TIKI TORCH CAUSED FIRE
The closest tiki torch was approximately 30 feet south of the fire's origin and in plain view of staff and more than 50 guests. Unless the flame lept ten yards horizontally over a fence without being noticed, this was not the cause.
TRASH SHOULD HAVE BEEN SOMEWHERE ELSE
Trash was stored in an area approved by ACHD on concrete in closed containers. This is the same space and containers used by the previous owner.
CANDLES LEFT BURNING
Despite reports of KDKA and local eyewitnesses, our “candles” are rechargeable electronic devices that operate on about 3 volts and create less heat than a wandering hand rubbing an upper thigh under the table. Though they were left “burning” after the fire and well into Sunday morning, they were neither the cause of the fire nor the effect of neglect.
FLAME LOGO PREDICTS FIRE
Come on, people. Blogging apparently dilutes reason. Does the AMA logo foretell of West Penn Hospital eventually being plagued by snakes curling about walking sticks? Will bears fight forest fires? Are all attendees at the University of Pittsburgh actually four-footed felidae folk in flip-flops?
SMOKE DETECTORS DIDN’T WARN PATRONS
Fire began outside in trash area. Outdoor areas rarely have smoke detectors. Neither fire nor smoke at any point during guest occupation extended into dining areas. Staff discovered the fire and everyone was evacuated immediately resulting in no injuries.
FIRE DEPARTMENT COULDN’T ACCESS THIRD FLOOR
The first firefighters arrived on scene minutes after the calls were issued. Response time was fast. We are grateful for their quick response and thoroughness in fighting the fire. Many things worked against them; primary items being utility lines blocking ladder access from Ellsworth Avenue, egress to third floor office area being blocked by fire, and other fires in the area also demanding resources. But there are very few places firefighters can’t get to. Remember your Tonka trucks? They had all those ladders and extending buckets on them. Opening the roof was not “Plan B”; rather, it was standard firefighting effort.
GAS LEAK FUELS FIRE
No. There was no gas leak. Fire was nowhere near gas lines, appliances, or the kitchen. But we will gladly pay for anyone to have “Ask Me About Gas Leaks” tattooed on their forehead.
DUDE SMELLS FIRE AT 8:15
No, dude, you didn’t.
URINAL SUFFERS FAT LIP
This rumor is unfounded, untrue, and an outright lie. Kisses sustained no injury and currently remains in service.
EVERYTHING DESTROYED – A TOTAL LOSS
Randall the Enamel Animal, our organoleptic hops transducer module, survived intact, as did the complete set of N’Sync bobbleheads, Hobbes the Smoking Squirrel, and the Jackalopes in Love.